The Toast published a glorious piece by Jenny Carlson and Breanna Rollings this week, called “If Tilda Swinton Were Your Girlfriend.” You will long for a richer life after reading it. You will also long for an albino peacock. Here’s a short excerpt, but you can read the whole piece on their page:

If Tilda Swinton were your girlfriend, you’d lie in bed together on rainy mornings drinking Turkish coffee and reading Grimms’ Fairy Tales out loud from a first edition that was passed down to Tilda from a distant relative. You’d cackle at the overly violent stories, charmed by Tilda’s perfect German accent.